My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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