can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
