its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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