i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
