she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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