We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
