the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
