Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
