Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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