Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
