are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
