she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
