Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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