I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
