I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
