Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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