I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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