My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
