I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
