my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
