Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
