somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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