She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
