hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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