so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
