I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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