fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
