i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
