NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
