I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
