mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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