I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I don't deserve a penis
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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