I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
