saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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