His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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