is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
