Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
