No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
