What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
