You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
