i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
