my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
