oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
