I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
