ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
