haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
