Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
