i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
