i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
