I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
