Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My butt remains clenched, sir.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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