but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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