i jhust puked up my retainher.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
