it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
